Disappear (Prayer of Depression)

(Sometimes silence is survival)

I ran beneath the weight of everything I feel
Till numb became the only thing that made it stay still
I couldn’t tell if it was anger, fear, or grief
So I shut the door and blocked it just to get some relief

Let me go quiet, let me disappear
Just long enough to breathe without drowning in here
I know the storm inside me’s still alive
I just need somewhere to let it hide
Don’t make me fight it, don’t make me explain
I need the silence before I feel again
I’m not giving up, I’m just trying to survive
I wanna disappear
Dissociate and disappear

There’s a storm I haven’t silenced
I just buried it below
And I know it’ll come crashing back
But I need somewhere to go

Not forever—just a moment
Not to run, just to breathe

Let me be numb for a little while
Before this breaks what’s left of me

Let me go quiet, let me disappear
Just long enough to breathe without drowning in here
I know the storm inside me’s still alive
I just need somewhere to let it hide
Don’t make me fight it, don’t make me explain
I need the silence before I feel again
I’m not giving up, I’m just trying to survive
I wanna disappear
Dissociate and disappear

Maybe that’s what the peace of the wilderness is for
A place to drop what I’ve carried ‘cause I can’t hold it anymore
I think of Elijah underneath that tree
And somehow in his wilderness
There’s something that looks like me

Let me go quiet, let me disappear
Just long enough to breathe without drowning in here
I know the storm inside me’s still alive
I just need somewhere to let it hide

Don’t make me fight it, don’t make me explain
I need the silence before I feel again
I’m not giving up, I’m just trying to survive
I wanna disappear
Dissociate and disappear

If You’re speaking, I’ll listen
I just can’t hear You through this noise
So meet me in the quiet
Until I can hear Your voice